


End Of Days

by WhatTheWentz



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Angst, Ianto/Tosh Friendship, Jack's death, M/M, Sadness, Set during S01E13, Spoilers, janto
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-16
Updated: 2015-04-16
Packaged: 2018-03-23 06:22:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3757729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhatTheWentz/pseuds/WhatTheWentz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I already thought 1x13 was sad enough, but decided to write this, focusing on Ianto's emotions during Jack's "death".</p>
    </blockquote>





	End Of Days

**Author's Note:**

> I already thought 1x13 was sad enough, but decided to write this, focusing on Ianto's emotions during Jack's "death".

Agony. Fear. Guilt.

No words could quite describe the flood of emotions that swept over Ianto Jones when his co-worker Gwen Cooper returned from helping confront the evil Abaddon with the dead body of Captain Jack Harkness, his friend, boss, part time sexual partner, someone he had betrayed barely an hour previous. In his time at Torchwood, with the exception of his cyber-girlfriend Lisa turning on them, Ianto had never ever said no to Jack, he had always agreed with the man due to a multitude of reasons -- he respected his boss, he also was rather scared of him, and there was also his complicated feelings for him that always nagged him when he was alone. And then a vision of Lisa told him to open the rift, and being absolute idiots, he and the others practically walked into hell, and brought death to many, including Jack.

When Gwen dragged the pallid, cold corpse into the Hub, her arms tightly wrapped around his waist, she softly crying into his hair, Ianto froze. He let out a shuddering gasp -- he and the others were now aware of the fact that Jack was immortal, finding out after Owen had emptied a bullet into the Captain’s skull from mixed rage and determination to have his lover returned to him. Gwen had opened it to reverse her own boyfriend Rhys’ death, the pain of his death too much for her to handle. Toshiko did it because, like Ianto had with Lisa, she had seen her mother in a vision, and was forced to believe it, unable to stop herself.

Ianto walked over, “Wh-What happened?” his voice wavered as he tried to not break down in tears, angered at his part in the mutiny that had ended Jack’s life.

“That thing... Abaddon.” Gwen paused, “It got him in its shadow. But h-he can survive anything, right? He’s going to wake up, isn’t he? Isn’t he?” she looked at the two others, desperate, “Tosh? Owen? He’s going to live, isn’t he? He’s going to be okay.”

Owen swallowed, “Gwen... I just-- I don’t know.”

“Well, it’s worth a try, isn’t it?” her voice broke, “We can’t lose our leader...We can’t. It’s our faults. If he’s dead, his blood i-is on our hands. We’ll put him in the vaults, and I-I’ll wait. We all will!”

Ianto flinched -- Gwen was almost as unhinged as she had been when Rhys had died, almost. He reflected on his own actions, staring at Jack’s blank expression, his own chest slowly rising and falling.

The next few days passed rather slowly, and every minute was tedious -- they put Jack on a slab in the vaults, preparing to dispose of his body when -- if -- Gwen gave in and accepted his death. Tosh, Ianto and Owen stood, watching Gwen on the screens, seeing her standing by Jack’s body, and a million thoughts pushed into Ianto’s brain.

He would have to sort all the piles of paper on Jack’s desk, put away that jacket that smelled so much like him -- the duties he faced were endless. He disappeared into Jack’s office, heaving a sigh before shutting the door behind him.

Gingerly, his fingers traced over the sheets atop Jack’s desk, and he shuffled a few of them, having to keep his hands busy before the grief drowned him. He slowly walked over to Jack’s coat hanger, sniffling, then fiddling with his hands. He mulled over whether Jack even felt the same way that he did, and a part of him knew that he did not, that Jack thought of him a quick fuck, nothing more.

He gently picked up Jack’s military jacket, his fingers tracing the lining as if Jack was still wearing it, then brought it up to his face, cuddling it a little bit, breathing in Jack’s ‘51st Century Pheromones’ that remained on it, and he couldn’t control himself anymore.  
He broke.  
Tears stung in his eyes, and a muffled hiccup escaped him, and suddenly he felt as if he would fall flat onto his face if he didn’t sit down. He pulled out Jack’s chair, then quickly sat, continuing to brokenly sob into his hands after placing the jacket shakily back onto the stand. He ran his hands over his face, tugging at his hair as he shattered like glass, unable to stop himself. He chastised himself for crying over it, just as he had done when Lisa died, and he couldn’t even think which pain felt worse -- the loss of his love, or the loss of his friend, boss, and whatever else he was.  
“Ianto?” Toshiko knocked at the door, walking in, “I heard you crying when I was walking past...”

He wiped his eyes, murmuring in a broken voice, “I-I’m fine.”

“Ianto... No, you’re not.” breathed Tosh, “You haven’t been since Lisa’s death, I mean, I read your mind when I got that pendant from ‘Mary’, and now this...” she sat opposite him, “Have you been-- been diagnosed," she coughed "For, um, for clinical depression?”

Ianto scoffed, “I’m not depressed, I’m just processing, and trying to mourn. I am also trying to deal with the fact that I make everyone go. I hurt people... I'm a danger to everyone I love.”

“Maybe you take things way too hard on yourself.” Tosh reached to touch his hand, but he drew it away, “You had feelings for Jack, didn’t you?”

Ianto gave a small sob, giving a twitch of a smile before nodding, “Yes. I did. And I felt -- I-I feel -- so guilty about having them. Lisa only died a month and a bit ago. I shouldn’t be moving on this quick-- I shouldn’t-- I--I...”

“You don’t need to feel guilty for moving on.” Tosh sighed, “How does he make you feel, aside from guilty?”

Ianto replied, “I don’t know... H-Happy? He makes me smile." he gave a dreamy, watery grin before reality hit him, and the expression dropped off his face as he corrected, head drooping again, "He-He made me smile.”

“You don’t need to feel bad for being happy, Ianto.” Tosh explained, “I know that someday, you’ll find someone else--”

Ianto interrupted, his voice thick, “And I-I’ll get them killed too. Lisa, Jack. They’re dead. Because of me.”

“Jack is dead because of all of us.” Toshiko stated, “We all played a great part in his death, you, me, Owen and Gwen. Don’t blame yourself.”

Ianto’s resolve broke almost completely, “I-I can’t-- I don’t-- I want h-him back, Tosh. I feel like I'm dying, because h-he's gone and it's all my fault... I want him back... I need... I need him.” he managed to whimper out before returning to sob in a muffled manner, burying his face in his arms.

Tosh chewed her lower lip before walking around the desk, wrapping her arms around him, hand closing around his, head resting on his back, “I know. So do I.”

When he ceased his weeping, Ianto decided to go downstairs and sit, playing absently with a screwdriver, managing to hold in the pain.

Then he heard footsteps approaching, and raised his head, seeing something that made his broken heart leap with exhilaration -- true, utter relief. Gwen had strolled in -- but alongside her was Jack, looking a lot less pale, and not so dead, and a smile was planted across his face.

Toshiko ran over into a hug, and Ianto got to his feet before walking over, outstretching his hand for a handshake, but instead receiving a warm, enclosing hug, before Jack inched away, then joined their lips, thumb stroking over Ianto’s cheek as they kissed.

Despite it being a fleeting moment, Ianto’s heart throbbed in his chest, and everything spun, like he was flying. He felt alive again, for the first time in ages, now that Jack was kissing him in a loving, caring way instead of a lustful one. When it ended, he was slightly breathless, looking at Jack as he turned around.

Owen stopped when he saw Jack, and the Captain made his way over to the Englishman, seeing him awkwardly shuffle.

“I-I’m--” Owen began, stammering as his chocolate eyes filled with tears.

Jack nodded, “I forgive you.”

Owen’s face contorted with guilt and grief, and he stumbled, but Jack wrapped his arms around him, catching him and pressing his lips to Owen’s head as he sobbed into his chest. Everyone watched with sorrow, each one caring deeply for the men, like they were both family.

***

Half an hour later, Jack was sitting in his office, reading resignedly through papers when Ianto nervously stepped in, knocking on the door.

“Ianto.” Jack said it in the way he would usually, accenting the 'A' and ‘T’ perfectly, “Come to visit me?”

Ianto gave the smallest of smiles, “Yes sir. I just came to apologise for my part--”

“No need.” Jack interjected.

Ianto stammered, “Y-Yes, b-but, I’m f-feeling really qu-quite guilty about it... so, I’m sorry. I am really fucking sorry, I'm such a... ugh... no word for it. I feel so, so bad.” he rambled, most of his words incomprehensible.

“Feel better?” asked Jack, getting to his feet.

Ianto gave a swift nod, “Yep. Much better. But in all seriousness, I feel so--” he was cut off when Jack’s lips crashed onto his, reflexively cupping the back of his neck with his palms.

“I.” Jack stated between breathy kisses, “Forgive. You.” he inched away, “Okay?”

Ianto looked up, breath stolen from him, gasping into the tiny bit of air between their lips, his eyes gazing at the Captain's, unable to speak so instead giving a short nod. Jack’s lips returned to his, and the kiss grew more passionate.

“Good.” Jack said pointedly, only inching away for a small second again before continuing the embrace.


End file.
